Thank Mr Mundine For That!!!

Tenth!!

Our season is officially over. What a great season it was too. All the boys should be proud of themselves for coming tenth this year considering the obstacles put in front of us. We’ve been pummelled by injury, have been coached by Johnny ‘The tomato faced dinosaur’ Lang and have had to put up with Russell Crowe popping into the dressing rooms every game day plugging his Best of TOFOG CD.

Speaking injuries, the one I sastaned against Brisbane was one of the worst I ever had. The pain was almost as bad as the time I missed lunch when my speedboat ran out of fuel off the coast of Bowralville. The worst thing about injuries is that they can leave you feeling helpless – I have been unable to get to KFC all week, nothing but Domino’s Pizza for 7 days.

Now that the season is over we can look forward to mad Monday. Here is my mad Monday costume:

(Actually, that is just my everyday wear, don’t tell Richo or the boys.). A few of the other boys have really put some thought into their costumes; Ham Burgers is coming as a weird looking camera shy Englishman, Isaac Luke as Greg Louganis and John Sutton as a 1^st grade footballer.

Unfortunately, Lucky Sandow won’t be coming – he’s too busy counting his money and loling at souths (been there J). Fortunately we still have Johnny Lang for the dwarf throwing comp – that is if he survives the traditional pummelling down the stairs.

I’m often asked: “What do you do when your team doesn’t make the semis?” and “Why are you so fat?” The answer to both questions is the same – I support Melbourne. My tip is Melbourne to win their 4^th title this year. I’ve already booked in at Todd Carney Ink to get my 2011 Premiers Tattoo – it will look really naff next to my 2007 and 2009 ones.

So now for the off season. Thankfully I got this injury at just the right time. I can bludge and give the speedboat a workout for a few weeks while all the other suckers are running themselves ragged in the Redfern sand hills. It should be an interesting off season too – our new coach Lizzie Maguire is said to be a real hard disciplinarian. We’ll see how hard he is when he takes a trip down the Souths leagues club stairs.

Well, that’s it for me. I’ll be blogging here and there when I can over the off season, I’ve got to try and fit it in between eating sessions, washing Mr Mundine’s car and speedboat races. Plus our social media professional likes to read our stuff first just in case we embarrass the club or ourselves. She is very professional. Very, very professional.

Yours, GI.

PS: Word up to Bunniesman – I’ll see you in Coffs Harbour for the World Stupidity Championships – We got this.  

Hatters gonna hat

Hi peepadeeps,


We've been written off all year, called losers and jerks and fat blokes who don't know which state they were born in but whose laughing now hey? Fuck you Johnny Lang - all your insults are for nort.

Sunday at Wollongong was one of the greatest moments of my life. Not only did we beat the Dragons but I also got lucky at the Dapto dogs. Morale at souths is at an all time high - there is a real belief among some of the boys that we will finish in the top 8 and go all the way. Not from me, I think its all crazy talk from a bunch of morons. I'm hoping Melbourne win.

I have to give a wrap to Dudley Farrell, our magnificent young centre. His form this year has been magnificent. His three tries against the Dragons was magnificent. I really think that he could be the next Charlie Saab. High praise I know, but I really think the curly haired git is going places.

Speaking of places I tried out the new all you can eat seafood place down at redfern plaza recently. Fantastic. On the way there I met John Fittler, one of the all time great rabbitohs. John played the 1970 Grand Final with a broken jaw that had to be wired shut for 6 weeks. Inspiring stuff. Imagine going 42 days without eating solid food.

So finals footy is only a few weeks away. We have to win all of our last five games to make the eight, seeing we're on a streak of winning one game in succession I think we're a real chance. But just in case we don't I've already booked me, Sally and the speedboat in for a holiday in sunny Queensland in October - Coffs Harbour, here we come!!!!

Cheers Greggy 'GI' Inglis

PS:
Did youse like the picture above? Our Social Media Professional has been teaching me how to blog like a boss.

OhGI

Hi y'all.

A wise man (I think it was KD Lang), once said: "Life is a rollercoaster, one minute you're going where the planes go, the next you're where the planes go when its raining, one minute you're in heaven, the next you're vomiting over your brand new Nikes". Its been that way for me - celebrating victory with the moroons one day, back to the dredgery of souths the next.

Here at souths we're already thinking 2012. Our season has been absolutely shithouse, and I'm not talking The Quick and the Dead shithouse, I'm talking Thirty Odd Foot of Grunts shithouse. I've never played with such a bunch of selfish pathetic losers before. Our forwards are as soft as marshmallows and our backs as slow as wood fired oven pizzas................................................................................................................................................

Sorry 'bout that, had to go out for a snack. Like I was saying, Souths 2011 are the worst bunch of losers since Souths 2010. Now some might say I'm being a bit harsh but honesty and commitment is what will get us out of this mess. I said exactly the same thing at the honesty session Johnny Lang called after the Manly debacle. Well, I would have said it but I couldn't be bothered turning up, I went to Burger King with Merrito instead. 

In the wake of yet another embarrassing defeat and season, all we can do is look forward to the local derby between us and the roosters this week at historic homebush. I'm expecting a massive crowd this week as the two foundation clubs lock horns. If we don't crack the 10000 mark then I'm a New South Welshmen.

The game should be a belter - as should be the after game party. The great thing about rugby league is that even though you beat the hell out of each other on the field after the game the 2 sides can have a beer or 2 together. Lucky Sandow and Todd Carney have been put in charge of this year's party - I'm not expecting to be sober or wear pants for a week.

Well I better go. Bloody Johnny Lang has organised another honesty session. Here's some honesty you washed up old coot: "You can't coach for shit". Then Mr Crowe has called us all in for a personal reading of the book of feuds.  Then Richo is coming in to give us all bunny hugs. This type of thing never happened in Melbourne. The coach would just slip an envelope full of cash into our shorts and ask how our speedboats were going and then we'd go out and play.

On a final note, I'd just like to thank the club's social media professional for sticking up for us this week. This social media professional does a lot of hard work at the club - looking at facebook and gossiping all day must be really hard work. The social media professional was da chik who inspired this blog. Cheers, Kuku.

From GI.

PS: I throwing out my 2012 predictions early: we'll be minor premiers, premiers, have the best defence, best attak and some kid called Roberts will be rookie of the year. On a more serious note, I'm  also predicting 2012 will be a great year for gourmet hamburgers, pizza with thai toppings, fried chicken, ice cream in 5kg tubs, potato chips, kebabs without salad, coke, hungry jacks and all you can eat chinese at the local food court. Bring on 2012!!!!!

State of Origin Aye.

Really disappointed with what went on at Cronulla last Saturday. I took time time off from da Queensland camp to watch da boys and I can honestly say I've never seen such an inept performance. I lined up for half an hour at the hotdog stand and when I got there I was told they only had 5 left. Then at the pie stand they had run out of sausage rolls. A really amateurish performance all round.

Camp with the Queensland boys has been great. Big Mal gathered us around on the thursday night and we had an honesty session, each player had to stand up and tell the rest what it meant to be a maroon. Locky's retelling of his days in Roma bought a tear to my eye, I had know idea that Queensland was a part of Italy. Thursto's effort was equally inspiring - he just grabbed a six pack of fourex and sculled it before falling down drunk.

When it was my turn I was lost for words - how do you tell 20 odd passionate queenslanders that playing for Queensland was all I wanted to do since I was 20 years old when Chris Close first waved a fat cheque under my nose?

We're pumped for the big game. A lot of bullshit has been written about coach Hagan, Gillmeister, Big Mal, typical bullshit from those south of the Murray. The boys are fired up to do it for Chicken George. Sam Thaiday has been practicing being third man in all week, constantly jumping into Billy and Hodgo's bed when they were trying to have some private time together. And Nate Myles has sworn off the booze for a whole day leading up to the game!!!!! Talk about sacrifice.

Back to souths for a minute. Its fair to say we haven't lived up to the hefty expectations placed on us after we finished a spectacular ninth last year. A lot of people are wondering what's going on. Well its simple. John Lang can't coach and John Sutton is a wanker. And Isaac Luke and Lucky Sandow are dimwitted midgets who couldn't outsmart a box of pretzels. And Rusty and Richo keep butting their fat noses in where they're not wanted. And the level of catering at the club is abmyssal. I think its fair to say that moral is at an all time high.

It's tough being away from Sally. I've rang her at least once over the last few days letting her know I love her and the speedboat. That's the hardest thing about being a professional sportsman, the weeks away from your possesions.

Well I best be off. training session later today followed by the traditional pre game dinner which is always a hoot. Actually, I might give the training session a miss and start on the dinner before fat Mal and fat Closey eat all the prawn cocktails.

Cheers and up the mighty morans!!!


PS. To GayloverBunniesMan of Coffs HArbour, please stop sending me the naked pics. I'm not interested. I've got the black hoodie on with the big20 and all the babes are wanting a piece of the big20..............oh, wait, wrong blog.

 

We beat the Broncos?

G'day fans,

A huge win for the boys against NSW's Broncos. I've never played in that much water before, except in my speedboat. Thank God Dave taylor was bludging out in the centres with me, I was able to stand next to him and not get wet. We celebrated big time after the game, the champaine and metho was going down a treat.

Perth is a great city. One of the great things about playing footy is you get to do things you normally wouldn't be able to do. For instance in Perth I had a Whopper Burger at Hungry Jacks. Never in my wildest dreams would I do that in Sydney, Victoria. It was such a great experience I had 27 more.

The plane trip home was a bit wild, the plane was shaking around everywhere. Eventually the stewardess got me and Richo to sit on opposite sides of the plane and it we were able to level out. It was so hairy that at one stage I made out my will. I left my speedboat and everything else to Mr Mundine and left Sally to Chrissy Sandow.

I reckon we've got our season back on track, we should be right in the fight for ninth at the end of August. We've already got mad monday organised. Meanwhile Mr Crowe has been on me for getting a tiny bit overweight so I've decided to go on a diet - from now on no snacks between meals. Mr Crowe reckons that 10 meals a day is enough.

Well I better go. Sally's got half a dozen roast chickens in the oven and I've got to make sure she's not over cooking them. I don't want to have to save her from hurting herself again.

Yours IG.


PS: Some weird guy called Bunniesman from Coff Harbour keeps sending me naked pictures of himself. Its pretty scary, especially when you consider that Coffs Harbour is only 10 minutes drive from my house in Redfern Heights. If I borrowed one of Lucky Sandow's guns and shot this guy would I get into trouble?

We've Arrived in Perth

Hi all youse souffs fans and league fans.

The boys have just touched down in Perth you know, which is in South Australia. We were lucky to get here, you know, because, you know, it was raining in Chile. Sutto reckons there was an ash cloud but I told him that the people of Redern are burning cars all the time and the plane's are still flying. Sutto's not two brite.

Coach Lang had too be dragged onto the plane. I think he's a little bit stressed about our form. Not sure why, we're right on target to finish ninth. Chris 'Lucky' Sandow had a bit of a tough time getting on the plane as well, apparently you're not allowed to carry guns on planes.

Mr Crowe sent us a good luck message to our hotel. "You better win you cunts all I'll get David Fa'alogo to punch your sorry arses down the stairs". Not sure if Mr Crowe is coming to watch us play this week, I think he's in LA trying to get his caps back off Oprah and Clint Dogg.

I'm pretty pumped about playing the Broncos on Friday. This will be the first time I've played them since walking out on them at the start of the year. I'm so pumped I could punch something, unfortunately Sally had to stay home to polish the speedboat. I guess I'll have to make do with Fatty Taylor. A lot of people have spoken about my decision to bail out on Brisbane. The truth is I just couldn't see myself living in the Northern Territory. I'm a Queenslander.

Well, I better go, the pizza man is here and I've still got half a bucket of KFC to polish off. I think we'll win this Friday, I'm in seriously good form on the roulette wheel. We might get close in the footy two.

Until next time, G I.

PS: I keep getting these weird messages from some gay guy called BunniesMan. If anyone knows him please tell him I'm not interested although Burgo is willing to give it a go.